


Pieces

by koganewest



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith/Shiro (Voltron) Angst, Kerberos Mission, M/M, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-18 23:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17590358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganewest/pseuds/koganewest
Summary: He's just a victim of circumstance, merely collateral damage, nothing more than a rock in Shiro’s shoe — consistent, nagging, but easy to get rid of. Shiro just shakes him out and wrings him dry, leaving him empty, homeless, and cast-aside like he’s nothing. Now, the only thing Keith can do is pour the love he can’t give away into the cracks of his broken heart and hope it cements him back together as whole again.Or five times Shiro breaks Keith's heart, and one time Keith breaks his.





	1. I've Given You All

**1\. Kerberos**

Keith has his ear pressed against the door of an office when he finds out that Shiro is going on the Kerberos mission.

The news is life-ruining to Keith — and the worst part isn’t that he’s leaving, isn’t that he’s choosing not to spend his last years on Earth, and isn’t that he’s risking his life. The worst part is that he didn’t even bother to tell Keith about his plans. Betrayal stirs in his gut, and he sprints from his hiding spot without any regard to who might notice.

For a while, Keith had known Shiro was keeping something from him. Yet whenever Keith confronted him about it, Shiro had dismissed his worries and sent him off. Still, Keith knew he was acting weird, kept walking on eggshells, kept making Keith feel like he was a child, and that — that inherent lack of trust Shiro clearly had toward Keith — it absolutely devastates him. It hurts so bad that he can’t even think straight as he runs away from the room, trying desperately to just _get away_. 

Out of every inconceivable thing that could have happened, he can’t believe that Shiro, of all people, is no different than everyone else in his life. Some stupid delusion made Keith think that Shiro wouldn’t leave, that he would be the first person to stay. After all, Shiro had already proven how much he cared. He’d worked miracles; Keith owed him his life.

Fleeing to hide himself in his dorm room, Keith makes an easy decision. He isn’t ever going to talk to Shiro again.

He’s stupid, _so stupid_ , for letting Shiro in.

Thankfully he doesn’t share a room with anyone, because he’s a wreck. Too angry to be upset, Keith punches the wall next to his door, once, twice, three times, until his knuckles split and bleed. There’s no strength left in Keith’s body to withhold the wracking sobs that overtake him. Before he knows it, he’s screaming as he punches the door repeatedly.

After minutes of the hysterical breakdown, someone knocks on the other side of the door. Shiro’s voice interrupts his tantrum, tone powerful but concerned. “Let me in, Keith!”

Keith doesn’t answer. He stops his tears and scrubs at his eyes, though he knows it probably doesn’t help much.

“I have a key,” Shiro warns, and the formality makes Keith feel a million times more abandoned. “I’m coming in. My job is to make sure you’re okay.”

At first, Keith wants nothing more than to be angry at Shiro for disrespecting his boundaries, for pushing his way in when he clearly wasn’t desired. But, then again, that’d always been Shiro’s personality: heartwarmingly intrusive. It’s the whole reason Keith had learned to trust Shiro in the first place. Simply because he just didn’t give up.

“I’m coming in,” Shiro repeats, and then the lock clicks and the door opens. “Keith, I don’t know what you heard, but—”

Shiro’s got his Garrison uniform on, its formal fit highlighting his seniority. Keith tries so hard to feel detached at the sight of him, but it’s _so hard,_ especially when he’d placed all his trust in Shiro, something he hadn’t done since he was younger and less guarded. The idea of living without Shiro burns fresh in his mind, like the taste of blood on his tongue, and Keith finds it nearly impossible to ignore. As much as he’d grown to care for Shiro, anger and betrayal blind him. 

“I heard enough!” Keith snaps, crossing his arms over his chest and backing as far away as possible. Shiro’s face practically exudes worry, and his posture isn’t defensive. He’s trying to show Keith that he means no harm, despite the context of the situation. Keith hates the irony of it, hates how hard Shiro is trying. But, honestly, _fuck Shiro_. Fuck _all_ of this. “Get out! I never want to see your face again!”

“Oh, Keith. I know you don’t mean that—” Shiro begins, trying to soothe Keith with his tone. It doesn’t work. Keith is quick to interrupt him with a harsh glare and harsher words. 

“You don’t know shit, Shiro!” He screams, balling his hands in fists at his sides. “Did you know I trusted you? I trusted you when you promised you wouldn’t leave me behind!”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, placating and sympathetic in nature. His face is crestfallen with sorrow and disappointment. He looks so regretful of his actions, and he tries desperately to make Keith understand. “I didn’t intend to—”

“You promised,” Keith repeats, this time full of sadness. His voice has quieted and his shoulders have slumped. He’s given up. Gradually, then all at once, he begins to shake, crying softly. Despite all he’s been through, he’d never cried in front of Shiro, but this is his breaking point. His breath hitches, choking on his words. “B-But you _lied_ , Shiro. You— you lied, and I _trusted_ you.”

“Keith—” he starts, forlorn and apologetic, but Keith can’t even bear to hear him speak another word.

“I know I’ve never been someone that people stick around for,” he interrupts, scrubbing at his sore eyes with white-knuckled fists. “But you broke my trust. I mean, first, you hide the fact that you’re dying, and then you decide to go on this suicide mission? It’s too much, Shiro, it’s too many lies.”

A tense silence settles between the two of them. He hopes it helps Shiro understand the gravity of his choices. To his surprise, the statement catches Shiro off guard, causing him to back up a few steps. He regards Keith with caution, like he’s a feral animal that hasn’t eaten in days, like he will attack at any moment and raise hell. It absolutely infuriates Keith, so he yells, spitting harshly, “You only care about yourself!”

And that’s when Shiro’s demeanor changes.

“I’m being selfish?! Why can’t you accept that this mission will fulfill my dreams?” Shiro accuses, pushing at Keith’s shoulder with more force than necessary. He collides with the wall behind him, inhaling a sharp breath, but it doesn’t cease Shiro’s frustration. “I need to do this. You just don’t get it, Keith. Do you not want me to be happy?”

“I don’t care what you feel anymore,” Keith lies through gritted teeth, voice breaking, as the tears return full-force. He can’t even collect himself at this point, thanks to the throbbing pain where he’d hit is head on the wall. Just looking at Shiro makes him sick. “Get out, just— fuck, just please, Shiro, leave me alone.”

He obeys Keith’s request. 

(It’s the first time that Takashi Shirogane breaks his heart.)

* * *

**2\. Pilot Error**

Shiro's been gone for months, and despite that they left off on difficult terms, Keith still thinks about him every day.

He goes to bed every night praying that Shiro was healthy and happy, and maybe even missing Keith a little. It's unreasonable and foolish, Keith knows, but he can't help but wish it were true in the back of his mind. He misses Shiro so damn much that sometimes it's hard for him to sleep. 

He has ways of coping, though. For one, he has Adam, who he often reaches out to him in times of uncertainty. Adam always receives him with a gentle smile and a comforting hug. They find solace in each other, since they both loved Shiro with their entire self — though, admittedly, in different ways. Adam slowly becomes just as much of a role model and parental figure as Shiro had been, and it helps Keith get through the worst days. Once a week, they watch the Garrison news channel, which provides updates from the Kerberos mission every Monday night at dinnertime. 

One Monday night, Adam doesn’t meet Keith, and there is no update — replaced by a segment on new medical supplies. 

Then, over the intercoms, Keith is called down to Iverson's office. 

His stomach drops to the floor, but he stands up anyway and makes his way down the hall. He almost _knows_ he's about to receive bad news, so with mounting dread, he stands in front of the door. It takes him a whole minute to will himself to knock. 

The door opens. He's met with a single grave face, and his heart drops when Commander Iverson sighs. And that’s when he gets the news: “Cadet Kogane, we have some information about the Kerberos mission.”

He doesn’t let himself show emotion, just sets his jaw, tries to control the way his eyes fill with tears, and demands to see proof. He doesn’t know how to handle himself, though. At one point, he quite literally _screams_ at Iverson for things that aren’t under his control. He calls Iverson a liar and accuses him of terrible things. Because Shiro isn’t dead, he can’t be, especially when they don’t have any justification. 

After that, he spends two weeks in denial.

He denies it when the news reaches campus. He denies it when he attends the memorial service. He denies it during every wary glance from his teachers. He denies it when other students ask him how he’s coping with the loss, how he’s feeling now that his mentor is dead, how he’s managing the idea of being alone forever.

To put things simply, he was not doing well. 

A week after the news broke, he has a particularly awful day — thanks to James fucking Griffin and his evident lack of common decency. 

With fire in his lungs and tears streaming down his face, he searches frantically for Adam, looking just about everywhere, until he finds him on the rooftop. Adam attempts to calm him. For a while, he talks of his fond memories with Shiro and the nights they spent talking in that very spot, counting the stars and imagining their futures. Then, Keith talks of their bike rides in the desert and all the times he stopped Keith from making impulsive decisions or stupid mistakes.

They stay on the roof for a while, staring up at the sky that stole the most important person in their lives. 

Together, they mourn.

A few days pass in which Adam doesn’t teach and Keith doesn’t go to class. They remain holed up in that small room Shiro used to occupy, finally taking time to indulge in their grief. They cry a lot, reminisce a lot, cry a little more, and don’t really sleep. Sometime during that period, Keith begins planning a rescue mission, but Adam shuts down his false hope almost immediately. 

Keith is furious.

At first, he’s mad that Adam doesn’t want to try to find Shiro, but then he remembers that Adam is hurting, too — that they’re just dealing with it differently. Keith catches him crying into Shiro’s old pillow, searching for the comforting scent of a man that was long gone, one too many times to ignore. 

That, and Adam’s frequent nightmares — from which he wakes up screaming — convinces Keith not to bother him.

From then on, Keith keeps his plans of rescue to himself. He steals countless records and confidential information from the control rooms as often as he can without being caught. Storing it all in his bag, Keith prepares himself for the moment he can escape, with the naive intent of rescuing Shiro, no matter the cost of his efforts. 

In the end, it all falls away almost as quickly as it had started. The last straw is a snide comment from Iverson, which is why Keith attacks him just like the vicious, ferocious animal that so many others had always expected him to become. But despite his cruel punishment of expulsion, he doesn’t care. He’s got nothing left at the Garrison, anyway. The pain is too difficult to endure — too encompassing, too visceral, too tangible. Even with Adam in his corner, Keith finds everything too overwhelming and impossible.

Hostility eats him alive, even as he retreats to his lonesome new home in the desert. Deep down, he knows that he deserves to feel angry; he misses Shiro. He lost the only person who never gave up on him, Shiro, and now Keith is lost, too. 

(His heart is shattered, once again.)

* * *

**3\. Vanished**

He runs as fast as he possibly can as soon as Shiro doesn’t respond, expending energy he didn’t even know he had left as he sprints into Black, desperate to make sure that Shiro’s okay. His heart is in his throat as his feet pound the ground, and he completely disregards the footsteps he hears echoing his own, indicating that the other paladins are following close behind him.

He doesn’t care, though. He can’t possibly care when the most important person in the world to him is in danger. Nothing else matters until Keith can assure himself that Shiro is okay. 

So when Keith enters the hull of the black lion and Shiro isn’t there, he absolutely loses it.

The panic that’d been building in his chest practically explodes, and he’s reduced to rapid hyperventilating. He pulls at his hair desperately, squeezes his eyes shut, and pinches at his forearm. This has to be a dream. It has to be some kind of sick joke. It can’t be reality, Keith tries to convince himself. It can’t possibly be real.

He can feel someone trying to calm him down, but he shakes off the touch. Tension is building rapidly in his body, curling his posture and clenching his hands together, and he can’t do anything to stop it. The voices around him only worsen his panic, and he wants nothing more than to just _scream_. The cool air seemed to be closing in on him, trapping him, taking from him every last movement he can make. It’s absolutely torturous. He’d rather die than live another second the way he is, scared and upset and anxious and utterly helpless. 

He can hear someone calling his name, and he tries his best to focus in on it. The sound tethers him to reality, draws him back in, and gives him something to grasp; the disastrous whirlwind of panic begins to subside — just enough that Keith can focus on the sound of his own name and try to escape the impending anxiety attack. 

“Keith, calm down. Breathe, buddy, come on,” the voice soothes, and Keith tries his best to listen and obey. It’s almost impossible, but he manages. 

“That’s it, Keith. Good job,” he hears, and though his eyes remain squeezed shut, he can tell that it’s Hunk talking to him. He slows his breathing, taking deep breaths in and out to regulate himself. He counts to ten in his head because he still can’t form words at the moment; he repeats the process over and over. It works fairly well, and within a few minutes, he can open his eyes to look at Hunk in front of him. 

“There you are,” Hunk smiles, gentle and comforting. He pauses, as if contemplating something, and then he opens his arms wide and stands there. It’s an invitation to hug him. 

Keith steps into it slowly and hesitantly. 

He can’t bring himself to wrap his arms around Hunk in return, but he does huddle into his space and slump against him. Hunk squeezes him, not too tight, but tight enough to feel safe, and Keith is grateful that they’re the only two in the room to see it. He rests his cheek on Hunk’s shoulder, facing outward. It’s comforting and warm, and Hunk manages to keep him calm and grounded through the next few minutes, until Keith has fully caught his breath and found his voice. 

“Thank you,” he whispers. When Keith finally pulls away, he hides his face behind his hair, but he isn’t shy about his gratitude. “I appreciate it a lot, Hunk. Thank you.”

Hunk nods, turns, and leaves Keith alone in Black. 

The space to think is both needed and appreciated, but it also serves to remind Keith just how alone he is, once again. The idea of having to live without Shiro — _again_ — is too unbearable to even consider. Keith thought that both he and Shiro deserved some peace, but that apparently was too inconceivable of a dream. 

_It’s just my luck_ , Keith thinks. _The universe just doesn’t want me to be happy._

Still, Shiro deserved to be happy. Keith just didn’t understand why he couldn’t catch a break, no matter what. It was unfair to torture Shiro once again, after all he’d been through when held captive by the Galra. Shiro deserved to be safe and happy, above anyone else. 

And, well, maybe Keith thought he deserved a little bit of happiness, too. He’d been through hell and back in his younger years, and not much had gotten easier since then. He at first thought that Shiro was the universe’s apology for all the cruel shit he had to put up with, but then Shiro kept getting taken away from him. It gets harder and harder each time for Keith to deal with. 

(He’s starting to think his heart will never be in one piece.)

* * *

**4\. Misinterpretation**

When the war ends, the now-former paladins spend two months trying to pick up the scattered fragments of their hearts. Keith observes each of them from afar.

Pidge, as usual, throws her concentration into technology: building a robot — which serves no real purpose, Keith thinks. It becomes her creative outlet to the point that she gets strangely possessive of it. She only allows Matt nearby and blocks everyone else out — including, to their dismay, her parents — and none of them know how to pull her out of the hole she's buried herself in. 

No one sees much of Hunk, save for his family. He finds comfort and solace within them, whom he'd missed so long, and tries to heal himself with their love. Keith isn't quite sure if it's working, since Hunk seems to look less and less like himself on the rare occasion that Keith does see him. It makes Keith's gut twist with guilt, even though he's aware there's nothing he can do to change things for Hunk. 

Lance, by far, has the hardest time recovering out of them all. He spends nearly every waking moment in Blue, like he's searching for some kind of tangible remnant of her, like he's trying to relive the time they spent together. Keith’s heart absolutely aches for him, since he knows what it's like to lose someone so close and so dear, but every time he tries to console Lance, he only gets pushed away. Of course, Keith knows this knee-jerk reaction because it was once his own, and he knows how to help. But Lance refuses to let him in. 

Shiro distances himself further from the team, though Keith hadn't even thought that was possible. 

So Keith, feeling truly helpless when his best friends are hurting, does exactly what he’s always done in the face of adversity: he runs away. 

Luckily, the Blades accept him without question, and he helps with rehabilitation efforts and converting the group to a more humanitarian approach. It’s important work, and it puts Keith’s time to good use. There’s no more idle minutes for him to sit and wonder what he could’ve done better or what he could do to fix things. He’s too busy to think about the people he loved and left behind.

The distraction doesn’t hold for long. His mother sees right through his bullshit and calls him out on it. 

“I’m flying you back to Earth next movement,” she informs him firmly, leaving absolutely no room for argument. “I would suggest you pack for at least a dozen quintants. You must figure out what’s bothering you before I even consider retrieving you. I will not watch you hide your devastation any longer.”

Keith considers complaining or protesting, but he realizes it would be useless. No one argues with Krolia because she’s stubborn and unyielding, just like he is. He settles on a nod and leaves before she can demand anything more of him. Just as he’s about to exit the room, his mother’s voice catches him, softer this time. “This is for your own good, Keith. I believe you’ll benefit from it.”

He doesn't bother suppressing the affectionate smile that pulls at his lips. Despite his annoyance at her order, he can't help but bask in the love she offers. 

From that point on, he looks forward to the trip, and before he knows it, he’s boarding a ship with a bag of his belongings in tow. His mom is already in the cockpit, but she left the pilot seat open for him. He’s grateful for it — flying will serve as a distraction and help to ease his nerves.

The flight is no short trip. His mother is quiet for the majority of it, until they’re entering the Milky Way. Then, she starts talking. 

“I informed them of your arrival already. Lance and Hunk seemed very enthusiastic about spending time together. Pidge mentioned some technology she wanted to show you — said we could use it with the work we’re doing,” Krolia informs him, facing ahead at the vast galaxy in front of their eyes. 

Keith waits a grand total of thirty seconds before asking, “Shiro—? Did Shiro say, uh, anything?”

“He did,” Krolia smirks at him, tone smug and satisfied. “He asked you to get dinner with him as soon as your back. He even gave me coordinates so you can land at his quarters.”

“Really?” Keith asks and doesn’t even bother to hide his foolish excitement from his mother, who would see through it immediately anyway. His voice is scratchy and incredulous, nearing the tone of a swooning teenage girl. “He asked me to dinner? Like as a date?”

“It did seem awfully like an attempt to court you,” Krolia laughs, sharing in his happiness.

Now, Keith can’t even wait to land on Earth again. Not only have his friends been enthusiastic about him returning, but _Shiro_ asked him on a _date_. He grips the ship’s controls in anticipation, turns up the thrusters, and within a varga, they enter Earth’s atmosphere. Krolia sets the coordinates into autopilot, and Keith tries to tame his unruly hair. 

Fortunately, he’d brought something somewhat fancy — a red button down that’d been a gift from Pidge during the shopping trips she took with Allura. He pairs it with the same black pants he wears with everything, and then deems himself ready by the time the ship is landing. 

They touch down upon Garrison-owned land, Keith notes. The house is small and simple — typical of Shiro for its efficiency. He’s standing on the porch as Keith disembarks, gently smiling and waving at Krolia from the dashboard window. It warms his chest, and that contentment spreads throughout his body and settles within him. Then, Shiro’s attention turns to him. He calls out happily, “Keith!”

Shiro wraps him up in a strong embrace, and Keith’s never felt so at home. 

They separate as Krolia takes off, and though Keith can’t see her face, he can picture the smug grin on her face as the wind from her ship musses their hair. Shiro laughs, and he’s still so close that Keith can feel the vibration of it throughout him. 

It’s been months since they’ve seen each other — even longer since they last _talked_ — but they get along as if nothing’s changed. 

They talk of new plans on Earth while Shiro drives, until he cuts Keith off and begs him jokingly not to talk about work. From then on, conversation is much easier, and Keith finds himself falling into the steady, familiar rhythm of being close to Shiro. It’s nice, Keith thinks. It feels like a date, which makes it a million times better.

The only thing that strikes Keith as odd is that Shiro isn’t dressed up at all. He’s just in a dark t-shirt and jeans — which although he looks good, he isn’t quite dressed for a _date_.

And then, they pull into a diner. 

Keith tries to ignore the signs of his misinterpretation as they get a booth together and begin to look at menus. Everything comes to an embarrassing revelation when Shiro brings up a new topic of conversation. 

“So, I’ve been thinking about something, and I wanted to get your opinion on it,” Shiro says slowly, looking at Keith with gentle honesty. Keith just nods, swallowing nervously. “I think Curtis from my Atlas crew has been flirting with me, and I think I’m kinda into him. I might ask him out later this week.”

Keith’s stomach lurches uncomfortably. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Keith encourages with a fake smile, because though he’d give anything to be the one Shiro cares about, it’s simply an impossible wish. He’s not selfish, either; he doesn’t value himself above those he loves. Most of all, he wants Shiro to be happy, even if it’s at his own expense. “You should for it, I think. Especially if you think he’s interested. You deserve to get back into dating, after all we’ve been through in space.” 

Shiro is satisfied by Keith’s reply, and after the waitress has taken their order, Keith excuses himself to the bathroom. 

For a long time — or maybe not that long, Keith can’t tell — he stares at himself in the mirror. In a sick, detached way, he can’t even recognize the person staring back at him. The empty eyes that stare back at him are threatened by redness and tears.

The scar on his cheek, he thinks, is the worst part about himself.

It’s a constant, ever-present reminder of the impact Shiro has on him — one that isn’t reciprocal. The scar burns Keith from the inside, pulls at his brain, and ties his tongue. 

It marks him as a victim of circumstance, as merely collateral damage, as nothing more than a rock in Shiro’s shoe — consistent and nagging but easy to get rid of. Shiro just shakes him out and wrings him dry, leaving him empty, homeless, and cast-aside like he’s nothing. Once again. 

Now, the only thing Keith can do is pour the love he can’t give away into the cracks of his broken heart and hope it cements him back together as whole again. 

(It doesn’t; Keith is still broken.)

* * *

**5\. Wedding Bells**

They don’t talk for nearly two whole years after that. Keith busies himself with the Blade’s humanitarian work and stays as far away from Earth as he possibly can. Once or twice, Shiro attempts to contact him, but he never answers — fearful of what he might find out.

In the end, it's Lance that convinces him to come back. 

When he lands his ship, Earth is a little snowy, and he's reminded that it's Christmastime. Unfortunately, that also means the juniberry fields are barren and Lance has gotten a bit antsy with nothing to do — so Keith decides to help by arranging a night out with everyone. 

It takes quite some convincing to get Pidge to agree, but the others are on board easily. Even Shiro, not one for crowds or bars, sounds enthusiastic about it. 

When on the phone with Keith, he mentions casually that he has something to talk to him about, and Keith agonizes over it in the hours before they meet. He ends up talking to Lance about it all: when he realized he was in love with Shiro on the Space Whale with his mother, when he got back and hoped for something more, and when Shiro had asked him on a date, but not really. 

Lance looks sympathetic throughout the entire conversation, but he doesn't comment — not until Keith starts to talk about seeing Shiro, not even bothering to hide the excitement in his voice. 

“Keith,” he starts gently, interrupting Keith's rambling. “Curtis proposed to him, Keith. They're going to get married next year.” 

From then on, Keith is far less excited to go out with everyone. Lance does his best to comfort Keith, but it's a lost cause. His mood is damp and his presence is even more depressing; nothing is going to change that. He knows that he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but it doesn't change the fact that he did so anyway. 

He gets through the night, though, with the help of lots of alcohol. 

By the time everyone is ready to go home, Keith has drank more than he probably should have. He isn't too drunk to speak, but he's inebriated enough that walking is slightly difficult and his speech is unfiltered. Shiro's at his side, Lance is saying goodbye, but he just focuses on the ground below his feet. Shiro tries to talk to him, and he doesn't answer, doesn't even process what Shiro says until he repeats himself louder. 

“Come on, Keith. Let’s get you home,” Shiro says, tugging him along, but the instruction only infuriates Keith. He has no home; he hasn’t truly felt at home since he and Shiro were close. 

“What's wrong with me?” Keith asks loudly, slurring slightly, before he can even manage to stop himself. Shiro's content mood takes an obvious nosedive. He stops walking immediately, and Keith almost trips over his feet due to the stopping of momentum. 

“What?” Shiro answers, trying to catch Keith's gaze, but he avoids it. 

“Nothing, never mind,” is what he intends to say, but it comes out much more mumbled than he would’ve liked. Shiro must accept the excuse and attribute his words to drunkenness, because he just starts walking again. They get out of the bar and onto the street before Keith speaks again, this time full of the years of hurt and resentment he harbored. 

“Why am I never enough?” 

“You are, Keith. What do you mean?” Shiro asks, not stopping this time. Keith is thankful, since he doesn’t think he could make eye contact with Shiro if he had to. 

“I’ve never been enough for you.”

If Shiro says any more, Keith doesn’t hear it. They walk all the way to a Garrison shuttle station, where Shiro helps him on, hands him about double the amount the fare costs, then turns on heel and leaves Keith there. 

When the shuttle car has put a considerable distance between the two of them, Keith decides to call his mother immediately. 

When she answers the call, he wants to tell her how much he _hates_ Shiro for every inconsiderate move he’s ever made. 

When he opens his mouth to speak, all that comes out is a single broken syllable — “Mom” — before he crumples. 

Keith’s hidden feelings of inadequacy come pouring out, complete with the loneliness and rejection he’d retained for so long. He cries and cries to his mother, and thankfully, he doesn’t even have to explain. She just kindly offers to pick him up from Earth, and she’s there within hours — faster than what should even be possible, given her last location. He’s overwhelmingly grateful for it. When she sees him, she holds him close for a long time without letting go, and he grasps her with just as much desperation as she offers. 

(Keith decides then that it’s the last time he’ll ever let Takashi Shirogane break his heart.)


	2. Now I'm Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +1 time keith broke shiro’s

“I want to say I’m sorry, Keith. Above all else, I'm sorry for the past and that I can't go back and change things. Every day, I regret how things turned out between us. I regret every time I've wronged you and that I never apologized before now. I was careless and foolish, and I never should have let myself hurt you like I did.

“I knew you were in love with me, Keith. I knew you loved me, but I always thought you deserved someone much better than me. I was broken from our time at war, and I didn't want you to have to share in the burden I carried, especially when you carried something so substantial of your own. You deserved to be truly happy with someone who could mend your scars — that person was never me, because I can't even fix myself.”

Shiro straightens himself, pulling his jacket closer to his body. The cold breeze tousles his hair, but he doesn't even attempt to fix it. Tears sting at his eyes, so he fixes his gaze on the ground, clears his throat, and continues on. 

“I fell in love with you when you brought me back to life. You'd just gotten back from the two-year expedition with your mother, and you were so much more confident, self-assured, and happy. You practically shone with new energy. I was so happy that you grew out of the lonely vulnerability that had once consumed you, because as your mentor, that was the best thing I could possibly see. It’s all I ever wanted for you: to be comfortable and happy with yourself. 

“Of course, I didn't realize at first that you felt the same. It took me a long time to notice that your feelings toward me had evolved as well. I don't really think I noticed until after we had finally ended the war, but by then, I had convinced myself I wasn't enough for you.” Shiro receives no response. He continues on. 

“When I asked you to dinner, I knew you’d get the wrong idea, but I did it anyway, and I'm not quite sure why. I think I rationalized it as a merciful gesture, an easy way to let you down without ever saying it. And later on, when I told you I might ask out Curtis, I knew it would hurt you. I don't know why I did that, and I'm so very sorry for it. You deserved the world, Keith. You deserved so much more than I ever could have given to you, and that's why I had to let you go that night.”

Shiro almost chokes on his words now, and he can barely contain his emotion. He barrels through it though, insistent on getting out what he has to say. He continues on. 

“Then, years passed, and we both changed. I got engaged and asked you to be my best man, and that night, you got the closest you ever came to confessing your feelings. I knew how bad you were hurting, but I still didn't try to comfort you. I just dumped you off somewhere, when you were drunk and sad and _in pain,_ and I will never forgive myself for that. I don't deserve to be forgiven by you, either.”

Shiro sighs, scrubbing at his eyes. Silence falls again, but once more, Shiro speaks up. He continues on. 

“So I guess this is my apology. I'm sorry for breaking your heart so many times. I'm sorry I left you for Kerberos. I'm sorry you thought I died up there. I'm sorry I disappeared from Black. I'm sorry I led you on that night. I'm sorry I asked you to be my best man, just so you could watch from the sidelines as I married someone else.

“Most of all, Keith, I'm sorry for not apologizing before now. I'm sorry you never got to hear this when you deserved to.”

With that, Shiro falls to his knees next to the gravestone. 

_In loving memory of Keith Kogane,_ it reads, _Defender of the Universe and Humanitarian Leader. Let his name never be forgotten. 2105—2137._

Shiro thinks it's unfair that the gravestone doesn't say more. He thinks it's unfair that it doesn't tell the story of a boy who was born into the arms of misfortune, who made a name for himself despite the odds, who rescued those who'd never tried to help him. It's unfair that the stone only recognizes Keith as a hero rather than as a member of a team — no, a family — who loved him dearly. 

It should at least recognize the cruelty that killed Keith. More people should know of the unfair prejudices all Galrans across the universe faced after the Empire fell. More people should know of the groups that target, capture, and torture the Galra, like the group that had taken Keith’s life. 

When Shiro thinks about it, it makes him sick with fury. Keith died way too young, probably screaming in pain and believing that no one would save him. 

Now, though, Shiro can't do anything about it. He hadn't been there when Keith needed him on multiple occasions, and this was just the nail in the coffin. Shiro was probably at home, watching TV with his husband while Keith begged for his life on some remote alien planet.

He wants nothing more than to go back in time. If he weren't allowed to change anything, he would at least tell Keith how important he is. He would at least make sure Keith knows just how much he means not only to Shiro, but to everyone else. He would at least assure Keith that they’ve all appreciated how much he has done for them over the years. That _Keith_ is appreciated. That he's valued. That he's, above all else, _loved_.

(But all he has now is a cold gravestone, fresh dirt beneath his feet, and the leftover pieces of Keith's broken heart — and his own.)

**Author's Note:**

> oooooohhhhh maaaaaan so this took QUITE a bit of time. my first real substantial sheith piece. this took quite a bit of planning and quite a bit of help, so shoutout to all those who aided me in this, specifically those in the keith angst discord. hope this was enjoyable!  
> and a big huge special shoutout for miyura-sarkana for being my beta!! i owe u my life  
> -lily


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